A cornerstone of any relationship is the degree to which there is trust and trustworthiness.

Developing safety and trust with your child is a critical component of the parent-child relationship.

The process of gradually helping your child become trustworthy is essential for the development of your child’s emotional and relational health. A child who trusts feels safe and tends to make better decisions…a characteristic you will appreciate as your child becomes a teenager.

Five principles about trust you need to know:

• Trust exists on a continuum: To what degree is each person trusting? To what degree is each person trustworthy?
• Trust should not be assumed automatically as existing in a relationship just because a relationship exists.
• Trust is not static. It is earned and grown. It needs nurturing to be maintained, and it has the potential to be damaged and rebuilt.
• The impact of broken trust is cumulative; that means that each time trust is broken, more time is required to earn back that trust.
• Your own history of trust with others—including how your parents handled trust as you grew up—will deeply influence the degree to which you manage trust in fair and healthy ways with your children.

Children tend to break trust, but a parent can be prepared when this happens

As a parent, it can be a challenge to determine how much to trust your child in each situation. However, being prepared for the probability of your child breaking trust with you can feel empowering.

When trust is broken, you will need to help your child find a fair way to make amends and rebuild trust. “I’ll never trust you again!” is not a healthy response. Talking through the facts of what occurred to break trust is healthy and may clarify a way to make amends (See our Iceberg and Relationship Tweets).

When kids ask, “Don’t you trust me?” you may respond by explaining some principles of trust. Help them understand that trust is not an either/or concept and that it will take time to rebuild.

Remember, an essential skill for parents is to help children find acceptable ways to rebuild broken trust.

PARENTING ACTION STEPS:

1. Step back and observe behavior. (Observer Role)
2. Accept that you will promote and preserve trust with intentional, in charge decisions and actions.
3. Consider fair and acceptable ways for your child to make amends.
4. Discuss how trust may be rebuilt and follow through.

Expert information from IPED

This information is brought to you by Lakeside Educational Network’s IPED Program. The Institute for Professional and Educational Development Program informs, equips and inspires educators, counselors, early childhood practitioners and human services professionals dealing with many difficult and complex issues each day.

Our exclusive curriculum, available directly from Lakeside’s IPED, is comprehensive in topics that promote emotional and relational health in children and families. Successful outcomes consistently occur as a result.

With more than 50 years of outstanding service through its many programs, Lakeside is proud to be an international advocate and resource for kids and families.

© All rights reserved, Diane Wagenhals, IPED, 2009.

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