All of  us have inner core belief systems made up of the millions of messages we have received, translated, encoded and organized that tell us what to believe about our worlds.

Children’s core belief systems develop through a complex step-by-step process. They receive messages, analyze them with the rudimentary tools they have available, categorize them, and eventually use them to make basic decisions about themselves, other people, and their world and life in general.

It is in the core belief system that each child determines how okay he or she is: how lovable, capable, trust-worthy, unique, powerful, connected, and worthwhile. Here children hold their attitudes about the world and the value of life and about how safe and predictable others are.

A positive core belief system is essential to the foundation of each child’s Iceberg.

If children are told that they are much loved just because they exist in a family, that their needs are okay, and that they can take their time to grow, a pathway is formed that over time allows similar healthy messages easily to travel down and be integrated in the core belief system.

If children are able to believe that they are worthwhile, deserving people because they exist, then they eventually have a permanent roadway that allows similar messages to enter and be absorbed.

Conversely, if a child has consistently received and absorbed negative messages and then is suddenly offered affirming ones, his negative pathways may not permit the affirming messages into his core belief system. Negative messages deep within his being can block affirming, nurturing messages throughout his life unless he receives consistent believable messages that build a new pathway to block the old, toxic beliefs.

Self-fulfilling prophecy

Just as your child is regularly absorbing his complex set of messages, his core belief system sends messages to the rest of the world. He will transmit positive, healthy messages if those are the kind of messages he has received.

However, it is difficult to stop unfair or untrue outgoing messages if the pathways allow easy passage of unhealthy messages.

The destructive process of having received primarily negative, unhealthy messages produces stronger and stronger pathways over which such messages travel in and out. The process itself becomes its own self-destructive and self-fulfilling prophecy.

A critical goal of healthy parenting is to intentionally build a healthy core belief system with corresponding pathways, promoting rapid transit of healthy messages within and without your child—a strong, healthy “message-transit system” he will carry into adulthood.

PARENTING ACTION STEPS:

1. Appreciate that your child is gradually creating an inner core belief system that will guide him as he moves through life
2. Appreciate that you, too, operate from a core belief system
3. Use your awareness of your Whole Child, using ADUMS and MRS PIES to guide you in building a healthy core belief system
4. Intentionally transmit healthy messages

Expert information from IPED

This information is brought to you by Lakeside Educational Network’s IPED Program. The Institute for Professional and Educational Development Program informs, equips and inspires educators, counselors, early childhood practitioners and human services professionals dealing with many difficult and complex issues each day.

Our exclusive curriculum, available directly from Lakeside’s IPED, is comprehensive in topics that promote emotional and relational health in children and families. Successful outcomes consistently occur as a result.

With more than 50 years of outstanding service through its many programs, Lakeside is proud to be an international advocate and resource for kids and families.

© All rights reserved, Diane Wagenhals, IPED, 2009.

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