Children come into the world having their own blueprint. Each child is whole, unique and unrepeatable.

To parent most effectively you need to recognize the many dynamics associated with your child’s growth and development. Seeing your child’s blueprint helps you understand the relationships of growth dynamics to your “whole child.”

How is this viewpoint helpful?

• You gain a fairer view of your child by considering the multi-dimensional perspective of development, uniqueness, environment and maturity.
• Your expand awareness and understanding when you take into account that your child is developing in many areas simultaneously.

ADUMS

To appreciate your whole child, be aware of the following five major areas

A = Ages and stages,

D = Developmental tasks

U = Uniqueness

M = Maturity levels, and

S = Situational factors (ADUMS)

MRS PIES

For each of the five areas of ADUMS, parents can consider their child:

M = Morally

R = Relationally

S = Spiritually

P = Physically

I = Intellectually

E = Emotionally, and

S = Socially (MRS PIES)

Ages and Stages (the “A” in ADUMS)

Certain children’s behaviors are characteristic of specific ages. For example, many toddlers become fearful about being sucked down the drain when the water goes out of the bathtub, an intellectual (the “I” in Mrs. Pies) aspect of an age and stage.

Parents can learn more about predictable age-related stages, including the ways children cycle in and out of equilibrium and disequilibrium and being more inward-focused or more outward-focused, by reading some of the many books on child development.

Developmental Tasks (the “D” in ADUMS)

Developmental tasks are the broader jobs of childhood, during which children are propelled into learning life skills.

Each of these can be considered in terms of MRS PIES. (This list of the developmental tasks for the ages between birth and adolescence is adapted from author, Dorothy Corkhill Briggs, Your Child’s Self-Esteem.)

Tasks of the early years (ages 2 to 6):

• establish separateness and autonomy
• gain achievement and recognition
• develop attachment to opposite-sexed parent

Tasks of the middle years (ages 6 to 12):

• form preference for and identification with others of same sex
• extend mastery and autonomy
• define self through reflections of people outside the family
• take adult role models of the same sex
• form a conscience

Tasks of the adolescent years (ages 12 and up):

• establish final independence from family and age mates
• learn how to relate to the opposite sex
• prepare for an occupation
• establish a workable and meaningful philosophy of life

Your child’s uniqueness

Your child’s unique inborn temperament, learning style, brain dominance, and other qualities will affect how she behaves moving through various stages and working on various tasks. Each aspect of MRS PIES will reflect your child’s uniqueness.

Maturity levels and MRS PIES

Maturity represents how motivated and capable a child is with regard to a task.

As children move through their Ages and Stages of growth (Morally, Relationally, Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally and Socially—MRS PIES) and work on completing their developmental tasks with their many unique qualities, and are influenced by life’s situational factors, their levels of maturity in each aspect will impact how easily they accomplish tasks.

For example, a child with a high level of social maturity will find it easier to build peer relationships than a child who is less socially mature.

Situational factors

Situational factors are the many circumstances that occur in a child’s world:

• birth order
• dynamics of rules and structure of the child’s family
• the family’s socio-economic situation
• a child’s neighborhood
• accidents or illnesses
• people who influence him or her

Situational factors will touch each aspect of a child’s MRS PIES growth process.

What it means to appreciate the whole child

Children tend to grow in bursts or spurts. If you look at your child at any given moment considering ADUMS and MRS PIES and growth spurts, you get a true picture of your child at that moment: quite amazing and complicated!

With this understanding of your “whole child,” you are in a much better position to decide what an emotionally and relationally healthy response might be in a given situation. You are more equipped to help keep your child’s Iceberg strong.

We encourage parents to remember that the description of any child will change over time. This knowledge and appreciation for the whole child also can help lessen your sense of disappointment or frustration for challenging behaviors that really are not intentional on your child’s part.

A word about brain development

Strong and healthy brain wiring appears to occur when children receive abundant love from those who are caregivers. It is influenced by genuine responses to a child’s needs and being surrounded by trustworthy, caring people. We need to create environments for children that are “brain-wiring friendly.”

PARENTING ACTION STEPS:

1. Become more aware of the characteristics associated with your child’s age and stage of development using ADUMS and MRS PIES
2. Remember that change takes place over time in the context of relationships
3. Use the Observer Role and reframe responses as necessary
4. Appreciate why your child behaves as he does so you may nurture and strengthen his  Iceberg
5. Establish fair and appropriate expectations using your assessments

Expert information from IPED

This information is brought to you by Lakeside Educational Network’s IPED Program. The Institute for Professional and Educational Development Program informs, equips and inspires educators, counselors, early childhood practitioners and human services professionals dealing with many difficult and complex issues each day.

Our exclusive curriculum, available directly from Lakeside’s IPED, is comprehensive in topics that promote emotional and relational health in children and families. Successful outcomes consistently occur as a result.

With more than 50 years of outstanding service through its many programs, Lakeside is proud to be an international advocate and resource for kids and families.

© All rights reserved, Diane Wagenhals, IPED, 2009.

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