Self-esteem is the cornerstone for the development of a child’s overall emotional health.

High, healthy self-esteem strengthens your child’s Iceberg and gives him a strong, reliable foundation for success.

The heart of healthy parenting is an appreciation for how emotional health and self-esteem develops and is maintained in the family. The parent becomes the psychological “mirror” through which a child sees himself. (concept source: Dorothy Corkille Briggs, Your Child’s Self-Esteem)

Your child is born without a sense of self and does not automatically “grow” a sense of positive self-esteem. Self-esteem develops as your child collects, sorts and interprets the millions of verbal and nonverbal messages he receives from those around him.

The emotionally healthy child has a clear, respectful sense of self.

Children need to feel cherished, prized and special. They will value themselves as they sense they are valued by the important people in their lives, particularly their parents.

Therefore, children need explicit messages, tangible expressions and living experiences describing their lovability, worth and competence. They need consistent specific nurturing messages over time as their Iceberg’s develop.

Be aware than an unrealistic self-esteem can manifest into someone who is arrogant, conceited, narcissistic and self-righteous. This behavior occurs when the child has been repeatedly told, “You’re the best, the smartest, the most talented, the greatest, etc.”

These global messages, though intended to counter messages of unworthiness and shame, can be unhealthy for several reasons: 1) they are inflated and untrue; 2) they create attitudes of irresponsibility; and, 3) they promote selfishness and self-centeredness.

Further, these inaccurate labeling messages can create enormous obstacles for children and a bad reputation for the true meaning of healthy self-esteem.

Healthy self-esteem is not competitive

Healthy self-esteem does not come by pushing aside another person. It is not achieved through finding fault, blaming or accusing others, or proving oneself more capable or successful than another.

The Cornerstones of Emotional Safety

Blending the theories of authors Briggs and Nagy (Fair Giving and Entitlement), we can discover that the degree to which each of the following cornerstones is consistently present in a child’s life influences the degree of core self-esteem he or she will develop.

Unconditional love for a child exists when he knows he will be accepted warts and all—with all his vulnerabilities, uncertainties, needs, or mistakes, when he can trust that he will not be shamed, blamed, held inappropriately responsible, or made to feel guilty or intimidated.

PARENTING ACTION STEPS:

1. Remember you are a mirror to your child
2. Consistently nurture authenticity, promote assets, affirm potential
3. Build the cornerstones of emotional safety
4. Maintain a secure base

Expert information from IPED

This information is brought to you by Lakeside Educational Network’s IPED Program. The Institute for Professional and Educational Development Program informs, equips and inspires educators, counselors, early childhood practitioners and human services professionals dealing with many difficult and complex issues each day.

Our exclusive curriculum, available directly from Lakeside’s IPED, is comprehensive in topics that promote emotional and relational health in children and families. Successful outcomes consistently occur as a result.

With more than 50 years of outstanding service through its many programs, Lakeside is proud to be an international advocate and resource for kids and families.

© All rights reserved, Diane Wagenhals, IPED, 2009.

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