Childhood is almost synonymous with growth. A child’s growth and change impacts all of the family often simultaneously stimulating growth and change in others, including parents.

As a parent you will face new challenges and need to make decisions about how to parent in healthy effective ways as your child grows. Over and over you will find yourself and your children moving through a predictable process of change.

The Steps of Growth and Change

Consider the process of growth as five steps: each successive step up is a growing process.

• the lowest is below ground level, where a person is unaware.
• you become aware
• you understand
• you take action
• then you reflect on the process and consider how well you are doing.

Basement

In the basement, there are two forms of unawareness: a) when you are aware that you are unaware; and, b) when you are unaware that there is anything possible of which to become aware. (You are unaware that you are unaware!)

Unaware to Aware

The first step of growth occurs when your unawareness changes to awareness.

• You experience an “Ah-ha” moment.
• You recognize something that you overlooked, had not seen or noticed.
• It can be a confusing, overwhelming, painful, or breathtaking moment when you become aware.
• However, like a genie now out of a bottle, once you are aware you cannot go back into the basement.

Not Time Yet To Act

Recognition can be a very difficult, frustrating place when you are not yet equipped with the skills and approaches that allow you to make changes and take action. Yet, it is a critical step that needs to occur before the action-step.

As eager as you may be to DO something quickly once you become aware, it is usually a healthier and more effective process to slow down and complete the understanding-step of the process.

Awareness to Understanding

The next growth-step is the change from awareness to understanding. Understanding involves taking in the information that explains the situation, behaviors, concerns, issues or problems so they make sense.

It is the clarifying step that provides the essence of “Oh, I see… Now it makes sense.”

The Action Step

The action step involves a decision based on knowledge gained from the steps of awareness and understanding.

• It could mean you make necessary changes
• it could mean you take no action so natural consequences will occur (or you realize your job is to accept and adjust.)
• It is an intentional step.

The Reflection Step

Reflection involves using the Observer Role to stop and look back down the steps to assess your progress.

• How effective were your actions in achieving the desired change?
• If your assessment is positive, your stairway-climb for this situation most likely is completed.
• If your assessment is less positive, perhaps you have yet to discover an awareness or gain an understanding that might influence your action plan.

Sometimes No Action Is Required

There are times when your new awareness and understanding are all that is needed to change an attitude (more on attitudes later).

The significance of your changed attitude may reduce your stress that, in turn, could lower stress in your relationship and within your child. Then, with less stress in your relationship and with your child, your child may change some things positively in her behavior.

Up and Down the Steps of Growth

You repeat these Steps of Growth whenever you grow, no matter what age.

By knowing about the Steps of Growth, you can be more self-aware, self-accepting, intentional and patient. You can also be more aware, accepting of and patient with the growth processes occurring in others, including your children.

Wherever you find yourself to be in the growth process, give yourself credit for how and why you are on each step. Give yourself time to experience each step so your growth can be meaningful and healthy for you and your children.

PARENTING ACTION STEPS:

1. First use the Observer Role.
2. Consider your child’s stage of development and needs (its impact on your and your child’s Iceberg.)
   
3. Be aware of your own growth process
4. Allow yourself and your child time and space to take each step (intentionally and patiently nurture emotionally and relationally healthy change)

Expert information from IPED

This information is brought to you by Lakeside Educational Network’s IPED Program. The Institute for Professional and Educational Development Program informs, equips and inspires educators, counselors, early childhood practitioners and human services professionals dealing with many difficult and complex issues each day.

Our exclusive curriculum, available directly from Lakeside’s IPED, is comprehensive in topics that promote emotional and relational health in children and families. Successful outcomes consistently occur as a result.

With more than 50 years of outstanding service through its many programs, Lakeside is proud to be an international advocate and resource for kids and families.

© All rights reserved, Diane Wagenhals, IPED, 2009.

If you would like to subscribe to our parenting tips, please follow us on Twitter at GerryatLakeside

If you’d like to learn more about our professional development training and CEUs, please complete the form below.