How Would a Parent Recognize and Resolve Underlying Issues?

When your reaction to something is disproportionately intense and seems to have little or no connection to the actual situation, it may be that you are reacting to an underlying issue.

Without being articulated, understood or even realized, your underlying issues can color your relationship with your child and can affect her behavior.

Underlying issues typically are the result of chronically unmet needs or deep unhealed wounds that spill out onto other areas of life.

Diffusing underlying issues

Underlying issues usually exist as combinations of issues. For example separation may be tied to rejection, sexuality to communication, and anger to power.

When you become aware of feelings arising from issues that are being triggered for you, you are in a much better position to monitor your reaction and acknowledge that you are dealing with more than just the present situation. This awareness can diffuse the intensity of the reaction and free you to deal with the underlying issues.

Some basic underlying issues parents may face

Abandonment
Abuse
Attachment
Attitudes
Balancing
Boundaries
Clarity
Communication
Competition
Confidence
Control
Credit
Criticism
Decisions
Discipline
Exhaustion
Expectations
Fairness (Justice)
Family of Origin
Feelings and Emotions
Guilt
Hyper-vigilance
Images versus Reality
Isolation
Loyalty
Magical Thinking
Marital Conflicts
Maturity
Needs
Privacy
Rejection
Respect
Responsibility
Self-esteem
Separation
Sexuality
Temperament
Territory

PARENTING ACTION STEPS:

1. First use the Observer Role

2. Consider possible underlying issues and needs

3. Reframe as necessary

4. Strengthen your child’s Iceberg

Expert information from IPED

This information is brought to you by Lakeside Educational Network’s IPED Program. The Institute for Professional and Educational Development Program informs, equips and inspires educators, counselors, early childhood practitioners and human services professionals dealing with many difficult and complex issues each day.

Our exclusive curriculum, available directly from Lakeside’s IPED, is comprehensive in topics that promote emotional and relational health in children and families. Successful outcomes consistently occur as a result.

With more than 50 years of outstanding service through its many programs, Lakeside is proud to be an international advocate and resource for kids and families.

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